11 Tips on How To Start (and sustain) a Coven
By Emmy Ember
In 2016 I found myself undergoing an internal transformation that awakened me to my intuition and inspired new passions. A series of health problems forced me to learn how to heal myself and suddenly, I found myself obsessed with all things spiritual. I went from wanting to go out drinking to wanting to hang in and meditate, and I needed to find some people who shared my new interests.
I’ve always loved hosting, so I decided to start my own Coven so I could practice my magic with other powerful witches. With the support of a new witch friend, we held down the Coven hosting new and full moon rituals. Here are the things I’ve learned throughout my successes and failures as a High Hostess, and 10 words of advice!
Tip #1: invite only serious practicing witches for the core group
Once your Coven is strong enough then you can hold space for less serious/ dabbling witches (and hopefully they pay you for the experience). Know that if you invite one person who doesn’t fully believe in magic, that that can potentially derail the ceremony and disband the group.
Your Coven is only as powerful as the people it is comprised of, and it is okay to invite some people and not others at first, (they will be ready to join when your Coven is ready for them!). Inversely, your Coven is only going to be as powerful as you are because your vibe attracts your tribe, so know that if problems arise it is only to make you a better High Hostess. So don’t forget to continue to do your own shadow work and personal development! The more you do this, the more your Coven will grow and the more powerful people you’ll attract.
Tip #2: Work through whatever is blocking you socially
If you find yourself getting nervous or shy when trying to start the inviting process of your Coven, it’s time to sit and meditate on why that’s coming up for you. I know I had to work through lots of internal false belief systems about my own self worth, confidence and perceived competition amongst other women in order to even have the capacity to extend invitations.
Tip #3: Utilize Instagram
I find people who are ready to be in a coven generally express their spirituality in some form online. Look for people in your area who are holistic healers, yoga teachers, entrepreneurs, artists and environmentalists. Begin a relationship by commenting on their posts, if they return the love and you get good vibes, extend an invitation! You can always just not invite them next time if they didn’t vibe. You’d be surprised how many great people show their authentic selves online. Be sure to express your authentic self as well so that the people you’re reaching out to can get a good read, it creates more trust!
Tip #4: Always over invite by at least 100%
Your first meeting will have the most interest, so if you’re aiming for 6 consistent members, you’ll want to have 12 at your first meeting. In order to get 12 to the first meeting, you’ll want to invite 18-24 people. I know this seems like a lot, try and have your first meeting outside. Inevitably people who don’t resonate with the group will fall off, some people will become occasional attendees and there will be a core group that is very committed. I work around the core group’s schedule as best I can when planning meetups, and then invite any part time or new members after the date has been set. That way you show loyalty to your core group and those people get rewarded by being able to develop a deep bond with each other.
Tip #5: Ask yourself if you’re the best person for the job
High Priestess is the traditional term for a Coven founder, but I find it sounds too monarchical so I use High Hostess. Here are some of the questions you want to ask yourself before you commit to being a High Hostess.
Are you okay with cleaning up after everyone? Can you front the dinner bill and make it work financially to have everyone Venmo you back? Do you have enough space to host 4-10 people? Can you have a fire in your backyard? Are you good with communication and follow through? Is your schedule somewhat flexible?
You don’t have to answer yes to every one of these questions to have a successful Coven, but if the answer is “no” the next question is: who can I delegate this to? Maybe you can host outdoor meetups but need to find another witch to host during the winter. Maybe one of your coveners can front the dinner bill and be the “treasurer”, or maybe everyone takes turns. Maybe you have co-leader who helps with tasks you’re not great at. Once the Coven gets going, people will be eager to help and share their talents, so take advantage of that! Good leaders nurture the group’s talents so that everyone is equally contributing.
Tip #6: facilitate sharing!
You will quickly discover that everyone in your Coven has different talents. People can be a little shy about sharing their talents, so nurture their journey by asking them to share, while being super supportive. If there are some yoga teachers in your group, ask them to start the circle with a little body movement warm up. This loosens any tension or nervousness in the group, and helps open the body up to spirit. If someone knows mantras or meditation, both are great options during ceremony that relax and focus the group. Ask your musical coveners to write songs to use during magic ceremony, or cover great songs that enliven the group.
Tip #7: Work out the ceremony flow with the group beforehand
I find that loose ceremonies that are improvised are very difficult to sustain with more than 2 people. Before we go into ceremony with my Coven, we always talk about the order of what we’re going to do, and who will lead what. I like to ask people: “(insert name here) would you mind leading us in (insert their talent here) (insert when)”. For example, I might say “Kelsey, would you mind leading us in a 5 minute guided meditation to open the ceremony?”
Tip #8: Coven Night Timeline
Invitation start time: 6pm (6 or 7 is usually a good start time for most people)
Time people actually arrive: 6:30-6:45pm
Dinner 7:30pm ( I find to start early enough to get everyone home in time, it is helpful to feed people at the event. Also everyone will want to chat before going into ceremony so by having dinner together you kill two birds with one stone!)
Ceremony begins 8:30pm
Ceremony flow convo (led by you) 5mins
Call upon the elements and ancestors 10 mins
Guided meditation 5-15 mins
Setting intentions for manifestation
Releasing limitations through written or spoken word
Personal sharing time/ holding space for each other
Music/ song/ dance around the fire to close ceremony and transmute what needs to be released.
Thanking of the elements/ ancestors and closing of the circle.
Ceremonies tend to take about 2 hours depending on how large your group is/ how talkative everyone is. Be sure to start your ceremony early enough so that witches don’t have to go home before it starts! This dissipates the energy of the group and can make the ceremony not happen.
Tip #9: Skip the potluck
I tried the potluck style night at first and I would advise against it if you can. It seems like an ideal way for everyone to contribute and save money, but I found it to cause tension in the group. Not only are there lots of dietary restrictions these days, but if people are late you don’t want to start dinner without them and sometimes people don’t come because they feel bad about not having time to cook. This can really burn you out as a host if people don’t pull through. We just order takeout now and I actually get to have fun chatting instead of worrying about food and clean up!
Tip #10: Don’t be afraid to let go
If someone is causing tension in the group or making your experience miserable, (or another covener’s experience miserable) don’t be afraid to drop them from your invite list. As the High Hostess it is your responsibility to curate the personalities of the group. I like to mention during the intentions part of ceremony what my intention is for holding the space for the circle. Usually I say something about coming together in the highest expression of love and sisterhood possible. It’s kind of like a business mission statement. If someone doesn’t agree/ align with your mission, you’re not the right Coven for them to be apart of.
Tip #11: Make sure YOU have fun
Don’t self sacrifice your enjoyment of the evening for hosting responsibilities. Have everyone attending help you with as much as possible so you can enjoy the magic you’ve created. By doing this you’ll be able to be a better and more present leader. As the one physically holding space for others, you want to make sure to allow yourself to fully enjoy what you’ve created. Take compliments and sisterhood deep into your heart and let it fuel your drive to continue to host!